I'd give all 11 of these soft ass niggas away for another season of MTB2.
The Boyss land in NYC first. Everyone looks the same except Robert looks like he gained the weight that Big Mike lost. I really dont care if that nigga blow up like Pun as long as I never see that damn bedazzled fedora agian...
I swear that chick sounded like she was swangin....
The guys look happy to see each other though and you cant help but feel the excitement too.
Then they cut to Donnie, our favorite eye-talian, who looks like bathes in olive oil that nigga is beyond greasy.
Pro-Active could make a mint off developing a Body Scrub for this dude.
Anyways he gets mobbed by a few 12 yr olds and their mom who thought he was Christopher from the Sopranos.
Any attention is good attention though right?
Finally they get to our favorite D-list girl group Danity Kane.
A quick rundown of the girls
Aubrey- Smells like Chanel No. 5 and Slut
D Woods- Monstrous Fatty and a lopsided mullet
Dawn - Doesn't really look like Choppa in drag anymore, cuteness debatable.
Shannon- Looks like the 13th wife of a commune leader
Aundrea - Hobbit...
All jokes aside I would smash every single one of these chicks except for Shannon, she looks really really really lame... like play's Bridge with her grammy on Tuesday nights lame.
The girls find their crib and catch up on shit, Meanwhile at the House that Biggie Built Puffarelli is having a Get-That-Cake meeting with the Dream Team.
I guess a nigga done ran outta unreleased B.I.G material, but thats a problem easily solved Diddy.
First get Guerilla Black on board with this nefarious plan, Shouldnt be hard he back at his momma's crib.
Secondly hire a ghost writer cuz Black cant spit and preferably not the nigga you use Puff.
Third pour some cement over Wallace's grave cuz he may just come back to strangle your bitch ass.
Everyone then heads to the Bad Boy offices for individual meetings, While waiting for the Boss to summon them. These Boyss were sittin there looking timid, sweating and shit not one to be bored, Aubrey immediately slides into her role as the consummate whore making up a story about Donny on the third floor of the Marriott with some groupie jumpoff.
This nigga was so scared of these girls that he didnt even deny it.
I dont understand the logic of it all, Yeah they fine and was on T.V but so were you dumbass! Don't you still eat, shit, and speak the same?
First up for review were the only nameless musical act in existence.
Diddy made em take off the caps to scope for fresh cuts, everybody passed so they were spared a trip to Bangledesh for a circus monkey or whatever crazy punishment Diddy had thought up.
Basically the meeting is just them playing catch up, Puffy makes a joke then the guys just laugh nervously like he had a gun on em.
Poppa Diddy would prolly respect they asses more if they didnt act like a buncha Mike Vick puppies! Flinchin and shit....Bitches!
Iight we gonna have to side track for a moment here, When this shit re-runs, and it will. Watch closely for the secretary that calls them in this lady looks like she shops with a time machine. This nigga here got a 80's power skirt on that her momma prolly wouldn't wear in 84'.
When the girls go in its the same shit but when the meeting adjourns Puff keeps Aubrey back for a pep talk.
He basically tells the skeet skeet that she cant be fuckin up the money by getting negative press. What kind of negative press you ask?
Being fat and changing her hair color....
Man its clear Diddy was smashing her they got that wierd uneasiness goin on that follows having a sexual encounter that can never be spoken of...ever.
He then releases her and the other 10 contractual slaves to go have a nice night out on Bad Boy's dime.
Let me start off by saying the beauty of Dawn's ass cannot be described in any words in any modern language.
When she turned around and asked if it was too much I damn near fell over, her shit is on point!
Now that thats out of the way Boss man hooked em up with a limo and The Boysss acted like they never had a prom.
Act like you been somewhere nigga!
Then when they stopped to pick up the girls Donny was faced with a decision any man would have in this rare situation.
It's a very important decision dont get it twisted, Every woman in the clique is Bad, which one gonna drop drawers?
He picked the most obvious choice of course, Aubarella.
She is said to have slept with Diana Ross ole fruity ass son she definitely gonna give Donny Brasco a taste.
There's only one problem...
These niggas is scared of semi-celebrity pussy!
It was soooo quiet in the limo D.K. pulled out the sidekicks, very bad sign on any date, Donny had the bad idea to try and break the ice.
Be warned were going on Cornball Alert...
Donny: "They should call you Danity Phones" CORNBALL
Aubrey: "Well it's sad when there's 6 guys in the car and all 5 girls are on their phones"
Guys: Tear up a little
She hit them niggas hard they couldn't say shit, Even LL Cool Will was hushed.
Once they get to the club and that liquor in em they get loose.
Everybody pairs up too
Big Mike:The Wall
Then the DJ played both the groups songs and MTV hushed the boos from the crowd. Naw their songs are Iight in a club setting I guess.
After the club they hit up the 40/40 and Q spittin at Dawn on the couch.
He had her too if they cameras wasn't on em he woulda had her in the bathroom somewhere.
He said he liked to hear girls snore though, you gotta let her in on fetishes easy son!
Save the snoring for the third date then you start easing in the chains and the farm animals.
Shannon and Aundrea were in the corner like the fat friends. They wasn't hating tho I respect them and I prolly woulda chose Aundrea cuz she cute in a woodland creature sorta way.
LL Cool Will kinda was surprised by Aubrey and Donny though, borderline hating. He know she's a Maserati and Donny's a 89' Buick LeSabre.
Aubrey the type to pull some frightening shit on a nigga, have you in therapy afterwards.
They decided to hit the studio next and Big Mike had an epiphany.
Deep Nigga... Deep.
In the words of my eldest cousin
"No matter how fine a female is she's still just a female, the pussy still smell the same".
Wise fuckin words.
Puffarelli rolls through a hits them with the challenge.
All of them will be making an album at the same time.
Here's the M. Night Shyamalan twist though they only have 5 weeks to make it.
5 weeks nigga???
Jay dont make a album in 5 weeks shit he dont make a mixtape in that short of a time frame.
Every aspiring music mogul out there take notes on how not to make good music from Mr.Combs.
The girls are up first for recording and they sound good, they've been working together for a while now and the experiance shows.
Their song is called "Anybody out there" a ballad about angst and all that gay shit.
While they were puttin in work Dirty Q snuck in the room and hit Dawn up with the digits his numbers and his age.
Dude only 19
Dawn is like 25
I know cuz my father knew her father in New Orleans, they used to play ball together.
Anyways Pops said he saw her as a baby back in 83'/84'
She said it was a no go cuz of dude age but come on we all know that aint the truth.
The dudes have a dumb ass song called "Co-Star" about some more gay shit.
Mike tried to explain it but he aint even know what it was about.